- Bill Murray, Scrooged
On most days, I feel like that quote sums up how I feel on any given day. And at larger family gatherings. Especially my own wedding. And especially the part about not knowing who ‘that guy’ is.
For an area that douchebags proudly call “Strong Island,” it seems to be extremely susceptible to snow storms and more importantly, snow storm panic.
What is snow storm panic? It is the need to swarm grocery stores and buy up all bread, milk, and eggs.
This makes sense if in an area, like parts of Brooklyn or Queens that had streets shut down, unable to receive fresh bread and dairy due to massive amounts of snow, abandoned cars, and poor cleanup.
This does not make sense on Long Island where, while shittily done, streets are plowed, and milk, bread, and egg deliveries are not held up.
Therefore, there is only one conclusion: Long Islanders are conditioned to make massive amounts of French toast and bread pudding when it snows.*
*Or, more accurately, to completely overreact.
There was a point in my wife’s wedding vows last year that really got to me. She said she wanted to help me be the man I want to be.
Who is that? That threw me for a loop and it pops into my head every now and then. I’ve become really good at going with the flow, taking what comes my way. But who is the man that I want to be?
I’ve defined it plenty of times. On “When I grow up” assignments. On college and job applications. When talking to professors or bosses. Drinking with friends.
I wanted to be a pitcher for The Mets.
I wanted to be an archaeologist. Later, a paleontologist.
I wanted to draw comic books.
I wanted to be a professional wrestler.
I didn’t want to be a career Waldbaums employee.
I wanted to be a filmmaker.
I wanted to write and draw comic books.
Still didn’t want a career at Waldbaums.
I want to be a writer.
I want to create a television show.
I want to make more films.
I want to own a restaurant, not just themed around bacon.
I want to weigh 200 pounds.
I want to give my wife a house.
I want kids who are awesome that I can read all my old comics with.
I want to move off Long Island.
I want to not let these goals go the way of others.
My favorite stuff from 2010, in no particular order or categories…or scategories:
Black Swan, Fringe, Lost, Community, Louie, Archer, Inception, Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, The Unwritten, Macgruber, Mad Men, Parks and Recreation.